February 27, 2022 - INSCRIPTIONS FROM THE HEART
By Doug Bennyson
A call to trust God… Again!
I got up this morning and was drawn away with my thoughts. As I was staring at the roof and the void of nothingness for a while, a streaming flow of fears, doubts and anxiety gushed onto me. In a season of waiting, this feeling is something all of us are acquainted with. Our thoughts get louder and louder. We feel we are trapped in this never ending cycle, of turmoil. We start to question ourselves if these thoughts are something that we should have being called Christians? We should be people who have all of these things figured out.
Looking through the past I was recollecting moments when I made one of the biggest and scariest decisions of my life. I remember walking alone on summer nights in Toronto asking God all the questions my heart was desperately searching answers for, one of which was returning to Edmonton because I felt that was what the Lord was asking me to do. There was a real battle of self-desire and pride that I had to surrender. The Holy Spirit gave me the strength to crucify my desires or wants.
Long after that incident when I came back to Edmonton I was like, “That’s it! This is it for me. This was the mother of all the surrenders and somehow it was made possible. Now I reached a ‘master surrender level’ and surrender should not be a problem moving forward with anything. I should be easily able to surrender anything in my life with the experience I have.”
Truth being told, I was dangerously convincing myself that I will not surrender anything more after this. I thought I didn’t have to surrender anything else after this. I have paid my vows.
If you can relate to what I am saying then let me tell you something, the surrender of will is something I still struggle with. I realized surrender of will is not something that stops with one day. It’s an ongoing process. Our will to control things will always surface every day. And the call to crucify that desire comes every day.
Is it hard? Yes it is! But the call to surrender is something that would give one peace. And the good news is we don’t have to do this alone. God desires us to be free of this bondage of control. “It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.” (Galatians 5:1). Stand Firm! Because Jesus is near. His time is near. But till then He is willing to journey with you even if it means one day at a time!
“He will redeem my soul in peace from the battle which is against me,
For they are many who strive with me.
God will hear and answer them—
Even the one who sits enthroned from of old
With whom there is no change,
And who do not fear God.”
Psalms 55:18-19